Coping with childlessness
This time last year, my husband and I were still preparing to do a 5th round of IVF in the hope of having a baby. We'd been on this fertility journey for 12 years and had 4 failed rounds to learn from. I'd had 10 surgeries so far to temporarily 'fix' my period issues. We had taken various fertility focused vitamins, cut out alcohol, tried to eat more healthily and felt like we were ready. We were now with our 3rd fertility clinic. At a pelvic ultrasound scan, our fertility consultant advised me that the lining of my uterus was potentially too thin to sustain a pregnancy. He was positive that this could be resolved if I was given more Oestrogen though so I tried not to worry. I did a mock cycle with the clinic where I was given Oestrogen tablets, Oestrogen patches and Oestrogen pessaries(!). I was really nauseous during this cycle and I did have to inject myself on a moving train at one point but at least it worked! My consultant's plan was to use the same amount of Oestrogen for our real cycle. We had joined the egg donor register and were still waiting for a viable donor to appear.
Things changed this year. I became more and more aware that my periods were getting a lot worse again. After several scans, the only option was for me to have another surgery again to temporarily 'fix' the issues (new endometriosis growth, deep adenomyosis and scar tissue causing things to stick together). I had a mental break down because I realised I was struggling to cope. I couldn't face another temporary 'fix' and I knew my periods would just continue to get so much worse. Not much of a life. Eventually, we made the heartbreaking decision to stop fertility treatments. My gynaecologist agreed that I'm still young and deserve to live life. 12 years is a long time to be in so much pain, and to have put life on hold while you try to have a baby.
To learn more about my journey, here is the link to a post I wrote a post as part of World Childless Week.
Today
This year feels even more difficult and like I’m trying to force a smile to pretend I’m feeling festive. I never thought this would be how the year would end with me being childless and recovering from a hysterectomy.
Christmas is obviously a hard time for those who are childless or childfree. There are so many triggers. It feels really unfair, and it's ok to feel sad. I've learnt to give myself permission to feel sad.
I think one of the ways of coping is to realise it's ok to say 'no' to things (I'm still trying to do this!).
I would definitely recommend reading Jody Day's book 'Living the life unexpected'. Also, join the online community - Gateway Women.
I’ve just read a really poignant blog post by Karin Enfield-de Vries and it really resonated with me and how I’m feeling now. One of the main points is about being kinder to yourself, especially after everything you’ve been through:
Other things to try:
Journaling.
Creating a vision board. I’m actually really excited about this one! The lovely @allaboutadeno told me about this, and it sounds really positive.
Candlelight yoga (or any yoga). I did a virtual candlelight yoga class around 2 years ago and I found it really relaxing. There are a few free classes on YouTube too: Yoga For Stress & Strength ♥ Candlelit Evening Flow
How are you coping at this time of year?
Laura x
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